• Erin Maher

List: Questions and Thoughts I've had while watching "House Hunters"

Because we can all agree that Linda in Spokane is delusional with that budget


“How did these two end up together?”


“...this...bitch...”


“Yea, they probably met on Ashley Madison.”


“He seems nice. I don’t know why they are together. I said I DON’T KNOW MA.”


“You can just tell they only have sex in missionary. You can. I promise.”


“Good luck finding a farm house sink AND a room dedicated to all your terrariums, Kathy.”


“Of course you have to paint that room, Kyle. Unless your aesthetic is blood-red.”


“I know this show is scripted because the husband just said, ‘As a guy who does a lot of laundry...’”


“She’s said ‘nice’ six times in the last minute. She must have got her descriptors from Hooked on Phonics.”


"That's the basement where they'll probably hide the bodies."


"No, that chandelier is not too ostentatious, Ron. That grand ballroom however..." "I think I just saw the twins from "The Shining" running in the backyard."


"Mama's going to need more wine. It's a back-to-back episode." "He has been plotting his wife's demise since they signed the marriage license. That's why he wants to live on the water, easier to dispose the body."


*Whistles* "Now that is a good-looking deck. Imagine how many White Claws I'd drink on there during the summer, as I lounge, fully-dressed, loaded up on SPF, protecting myself from that fiery devil known as the sun."


"A 95K budget in New York City will get them an outhouse. Probably one without a door."


"The home renovations won't be that bad for house No. 2. First, they should set it on fire. Second, they should collect insurance money."


"I'd sell my liver on the dark web for that full-steam shower. Steam away both my pores and my problems."


"This man has absolutely no idea what crown molding is, but boy, he is gonna learn."


"The realtor must have been blacked-out in their initial talks because the first two house options literally met none of their requirements. One wasn't even a house. I'm pretty sure it was just a van down by the river."

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©2020 by Erin Maher